Wedding Etiquette
This post is written as a partial rant, but mostly I just want to save my readers from committing some serious wedding faux pas. I had no idea how clueless some people are when it comes to weddings. And I make no apologies for attempting to do things the proper way. My blog title certainly didn’t stem from my lack of interest in manners.
- If you are invited to a wedding and/or shower and cannot attend, you should still send a gift - this one really irks me because I always abide by this rule, so it’s frustrating when the people who have been recipients of said gifts fail to reciprocate. I do think there is one exception to this rule when it comes to weddings. If you are a member of the bridal party and are being invited to every event under the sun you are not obligated to bring a gift to everything. Or, as I did for a friend’s wedding, you can buy an entire set of towels and just give the bride one per shower. :)
- RSVPing is not optional - there are no exceptions to this rule. If you can’t attend just check no and pop the card back in the mail. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to get a headcount. And, as Laura pointed out, there is no excuse for avoiding people who were your closest friends just days before their invitation arrived.
- If your invitation does not say “and guest” you don’t get to bring one - if I wanted you to bring someone I would have said so. Keep in mind that weddings are costly, and try to respect people’s budgets by following the rules. If you don’t have a significant other you shouldn’t expect to bring a guest. In a perfect world money would be no object and you could bring any schmuck off the street, but that’s just not reality. Now, there are some cases where you may have started dating someone recently and they weren’t listed on the invitation. I do think it’s okay to call and ask, but don’t be offended if you’re told no. This rule also extends to children. If the invitation reads Mr. and Mrs. Jones, that isn’t the same as The Mr. and Mrs. Jones Family. Get a damn sitter! And if you are a bride inviting a lot of out-of-town guests, be prepared to provide daycare or don’t be surprised when people don’t show.
- It is tacky to take a friend/buddy/chum as your “and guest” - this needs no explantion. I can’t believe people even have the balls to ask about this one. No, your college frat brother doesn’t count as your date.
- Thank you notes are not optional - as a bride/groom you are responsible for being gracious and grateful to your guests. I can’t stress enough how important it is to SEND THANK YOU NOTES! This is especially important in the days of online ordering. If you don’t send a thank you note, how can people be sure their gift arrived? Plus, when people are taking the time to send a gift, come to your wedding and share in your marriage the least you can do is send a heartfelt note of appreciation.
This practical and sensible post from Emily compels me to add some more to this list…
6. When the bride and the groom have been co-habiting for yonks, it is shameless and crass to put expensive dinner sets (think Wedgewood plates for £80 a pop), silver cutlery and lace tablecloths on the ‘wedding list’ at the City’s most expensive store. You sure have enough dinner plates and cutlery by now, including fancy-shmancy ones, don’t you? Remember, it is a wedding, not a chance to loot all your friends and family at an emotional gunpoint.
7. Another one on wedding lists - if you cannot afford to shop at a store with your own money, don’t make your wedding list there. Simple. See above for logic.
8. Continuing on wedding lists - if you would rather have cash instead of presents, putting it as a note on your wedding list is crass. Tell us - discreetly and we will be happy to do so. Your wedding list is seen by many who do not know some of your more redeeming qualities to forget this blooper.
9. If you would rather we make a donation to your child’s trust fund, tell us. If you would rather we bring no flowers, tell us. If you would rather we gave money to some charity, tell us. Nobody - including the person you are marrying - can divine your thoughts and it is best you figure this important one before starting your marriage.
10. If you want a wedding out of town in an exotic locale, go for it! But either foot the travel and hotel bills for your bridesmaids, or be gracious in accepting that not everyone may wish to spend more on your wedding than she would on her own.
Have fun! We will be there with bells on, throwing confetti. We do like you otherwise we could have just walked away instead of ranting about these faux pas.
1 month ago